The sunlight came pouring in the starry room. Looking around, Evelyn noticed she was lying next to Krista's sleeping figure. She looked so peaceful, so calm. She bent to lightly kiss Krista's cheek before sitting up. As she stood up, a hand reached out and caught her wrist.
"I wasn't done yet," a sleepy, teasing voice mumbled. Laughing, Evelyn lay back down. Pulling Krista closer, they showered each other in kisses before Evelyn pulled back. "School," she reminded Krista.
"We could skip..."
Evelyn thought to herself, Well, it's only one day...
"I'm hungry though," she said aloud to Krista. Sighing, Krista sat up, stretching.
She's like a cat, Evelyn thought. A lazy, beautiful cat. Then she remembered. Krista could hear her thoughts, Maybe, she didn't hear my comparison...
Krista looked at Evelyn with a smile. Crap, she heard.
"So what do you want for breakfast, baby?" Krista asked a slightly flustered Evelyn. Evelyn shrugged, so Krista said, "Alright then. Off to hunt. How do you like yours? Fresh or Frozen?" She turned a teasing smile to Evelyn.
"Oh my god! You don't mean...I don't drink blood! You know that!" Evelyn burst out.
Laughing, Krista headed downstairs. She was grabbing some eggs out of the fridge when she saw a figure pass across the window. Outside, just near the trees. Come to think of it, Krista thought, I saw a figure like that last night too. Her fangs slowly emerging, she crept towards the back door. Opening it, she slipped out and ran with inhumane speed toward the trees. The minute the shadow stopped, she flew to him and grasped him by his neck.
Throwing him against a tree, she asked in a menacing voice, "Who are you and why are you lurking out here?"
When he didn't answer, she pushed him harder against the tree, causing him to start gasping for air. "I SAID, who are you?!"
"W-why do you want t-to know? So y-you and your l-lover can at-tack me?" he asked bitterly through painful gasps.
"Why you-!" she applied so much pressure to his throat it was a wonder he didn't pass out. "You know what? Forget this!"
Leaning toward his neck, her fangs bared, she aimed for the vein pulsing beneath his cowardly skin. Just as they were about to penetrate, she felt a soft hand on her arm. Turning, she saw Evelyn.
"Leave him alone!" Evelyn cried, a tear about to spill over. Moving in front of the strange man, she said it again.
"Don't touch him!"
"Do you, do you know him?" Krista asked cautiously, fangs returning to normal.
"He's my cousin. Right, Eric?" she turned to him.
Bowing his head, he mumbled, "Yea, that's me." Krista looked between them and saw the resemblance. Same hair type, same jade eyes. The only difference is that Eric's were fiercer. Remaining on guard, she silently motioned for him to come into the house.
The house was silent, except for the soft clang of spatula on pan and Evelyn's wary footsteps wearing a trail in the floor. Finally, two plates were placed on the counter.
"Eggs and bacon," Krista said simply. Turning, she went upstairs. Evelyn looked at her retreating figure with an abandoned expression. Slowly, she turned to Eric.
"So, why are you here all of a sudden? And in such a creepy way?"
When he remained silent, she reached over and slapped him. "Answer me!" she demanded. After a few moments, he murmured, "I needed you."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Thank you again
yay! I got a positive review from flyer!
Well, I will try to keep my stories from sounding like Twilight...I didn't realize I went that far into deep water!
This is beginning to sound like twilight! watch that!
Over all though, this was pretty good. You need to go over it a couple more times though. Obsess a bit. Tweak wording. Fidgit with sentence arrangement. Describe every little detail. Especially the least important. The devil's in the details. The little things are what turns your story into a world.
This was a good chapter. Keep it up.
good job in this one! your aspiring to be one heck of a writer! i would probably be one of the first to buy this book! i love the story!